I don’t get asked to pray very often. We have chaplains in hospice. That is their job.
William was just different. He didn’t do anything like anyone else. I had a feeling his story would be different than any patient I had ever had.
William lived his life by the facility smoking schedule. He would wrap himself up in his warmest clothes and go outside with his two cigarets to light up.
Facility staff would escort all the smokers outside several times a day. I would see William between smoke breaks. He spent most of our visits talking about his pain problems. I worked with facility staff to get it under control. It took almost a month to really get it managed.
After about a month of seeing William, he started talking about is faith with me.
“Jesus is my lord and savior,” he told me one day out of nowhere..
“He’s mine too,” I replied. “I know I’m not the chaplain, but can I pray for you?”
Without hesitation he replied, “Yes.”
I sat down next to him, grabbed his hands, and I said a prayer. When I was done the most amazing thing happened. He said a prayer over me! I’ve been doing hospice for a while. I have never had a patient pray for me. It was overwhelming to say the least. I left his room in tears.
Over the next month his health started to decline. He was sleeping through his smoke breaks. To help him out, I started taking him out during my visits. He would just share his life experiences with me. He just talked about his family. He loved them all very much.
He got to where he would not let our visits end without me praying. I would pray for him, then he would pray for me. Our prayers were simple. I would pray that his pain would be controlled. He would pray and thank God I was his nurse. I always left with tears in my eyes.
He started getting confused towards the end. I was visiting him one day, and he was very confused. He was terrified of me. He didn’t know who I was, and he no longer trusted me. He went from hugging me to total terror of my presence. I went home that day totally dejected.
I didn’t know what to do next. I wanted to continue to take care of him, but I didn’t want to cause him to be scared. I didn’t want to contribute to his fear and anxiety. He had not been eating for several days, so I knew I needed to see him again the next day.
The following day I made a visit. It was a Friday. I remember walking down the hall and peering into his room from outside the door. He was sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes closed. I quietly walked towards him making sure I was completely silent. I sat down next to him and grabbed his hand.
”William, it’s James,” I whispered.
“Hi, James,” he replied without opening his eyes.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m sleepy.”
“Can I pray for you?”
He was too sleepy and confused to answer this question. Desperate for my own closure, I prayed for him one last time. I asked God to provide him with a peaceful transition from this life to the next with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He died that weekend with his family at his side.
I try to teach everyone that hospice is not about the hospice nurse. Since going back into the field to be a case manager, I have been reminded how hard it is to maintain boundaries with our patients.
Sometimes, we just meet patients who change our lives in their own way. Instead of avoiding the situation, I think it’s okay to embrace it. The best hospice nurses will eventually make deep connections with some of their patients.
Sometimes, those connections are so deep, we are the ones changed forever.
